Happy Mothers Day You Bunch of Idiots

I have noticed how Mothers Day is this sort of "Dumbass Fest" for women who have been fortunate enough to have a surly, ungrateful brat gestate in their body for almost a year. I get coupons each week from Borders, and this weeks are "Great Movies For Moms!". Yes, if you have only recently mastered the English language. I am a mother, and this Sunday is "my day", but I won't be celebrating by watching a discount copy of The Runaway Bride. Admittedly I won't be celebrating by watching any Ingmar Bergman either, but it doesn't mean I've had a complete labotomy.

As a working mother, I'm looking forward to a day doing absolutely nothing at all, but if Hallmark is to be believed, I'll be lying on my sateen sheets with babys breath in my hair while I patiently sing 48 versers of "The Wheels on the Bus" (for the 48th time).

Get real Hallmark and all you other fuckers who cash in on my special day. If you want to see any of my husbands hard earned cash this weekend, then start selling shit we ACTUALLY want. Very large bottles of booze, very long nights out with our friends, very long nights in with our husbands ;-) and a dinner date with Brett Favre.