Well, not coming out. But coming back. Very soon. As soon as I can. I promise. It's been too long. I'm ashamed of how long its been. And now that my husband is being approached by the New York Times, I feel that its only appropriate that I start being really competitive and a big bitch and try to steal his thunder. Hello? It's about ME!
So I'm back. Or will be. Shortly. I've missed you all so much.
Watch this space.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
I'm No John Updike but.....
....this is what I was trying to say about books and reading the other day. John Updike of course said it much better than I ever could.
http://www.salon.com/08/features/updike2.html
"When I was a boy, the bestselling books were often the books that were on your piano teacher's shelf. I mean, Steinbeck, Hemingway, some Faulkner. Faulkner actually had, considering how hard he is to read and how drastic the experiments are, quite a middle-class readership. But certainly someone like Steinbeck was a bestseller as well as a Nobel Prize-winning author of high intent. You don't feel that now. I don't feel that we have the merger of serious and pop -- it's gone, dissolving. Tastes have coarsened. People read less, they're less comfortable with the written word. They're less comfortable with novels. They don't have a backward frame of reference that would enable them to appreciate things like irony and allusions. It's sad. It's momentarily uphill, I would say.
And who's to blame? Well, everything's to blame. Movies are to blame, for stealing a lot of the novel's thunder. Why read a novel when in two hours you can just go passively sit and be dazzled and amazed and terrified? Television is to blame, especially because it's come into the home. It's brought the fascination of the flickering image right into the house; like turning on a faucet, you can have it whenever you want. I was a movie addict, but you could only see so many movies in the course of a week. I still had a lot of time to read, and so did other people. But I think television would take all your day if you let it. Now we have these cultural developments on the Internet, and online, and the computer offering itself as a cultural tool, as a tool of distributing not just information but arts -- and who knows what inroads will be made there into the world of the book. "
http://www.salon.com/08/features/updike2.html
"When I was a boy, the bestselling books were often the books that were on your piano teacher's shelf. I mean, Steinbeck, Hemingway, some Faulkner. Faulkner actually had, considering how hard he is to read and how drastic the experiments are, quite a middle-class readership. But certainly someone like Steinbeck was a bestseller as well as a Nobel Prize-winning author of high intent. You don't feel that now. I don't feel that we have the merger of serious and pop -- it's gone, dissolving. Tastes have coarsened. People read less, they're less comfortable with the written word. They're less comfortable with novels. They don't have a backward frame of reference that would enable them to appreciate things like irony and allusions. It's sad. It's momentarily uphill, I would say.
And who's to blame? Well, everything's to blame. Movies are to blame, for stealing a lot of the novel's thunder. Why read a novel when in two hours you can just go passively sit and be dazzled and amazed and terrified? Television is to blame, especially because it's come into the home. It's brought the fascination of the flickering image right into the house; like turning on a faucet, you can have it whenever you want. I was a movie addict, but you could only see so many movies in the course of a week. I still had a lot of time to read, and so did other people. But I think television would take all your day if you let it. Now we have these cultural developments on the Internet, and online, and the computer offering itself as a cultural tool, as a tool of distributing not just information but arts -- and who knows what inroads will be made there into the world of the book. "
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Fuck Gwyneth Paltrow
I hear that Gwyneth has a new website, where she regales us mere peons with advice on where to buy the best qunioa or how relaxed she feels chilling on her sofa in Balenciaga.
Listen love. Life is tough enough with having the likes of YOU guilt us out because we don't feed our kids exclusively on fucking organic, born free, college educated grilled salmon. I really hate celebrities sometimes. It's so easy for them. Oh wait, no its not. She's a 'WORKING MOM' too you know. It's hard for her. Why, just the other day one of the nannies asked for the day off. The horror! Poor Moses and Apple were left alone with the other three.
OK, I admit that I am beating up on Gwyneth too much, because this diatribe is really intended for all those self-righteous celebrities who like to tell us how they live their lives. Here's how I live my life; I wake up, I suck it in, I suck it up, I head to a job that sucks my will to live, I go home and sometimes to spice things up I steal from Sephora. Ok, there's lots of wonderful stuff in my life, but you don't see me starting a fucking website about it and shoving it down peoples throats. Well, apart from this one. But you know what I mean.
I used to like GP. Then she started hanging out with Madonna. And lets face it, that's the kiss of death for most people. Now she dresses like she's on her way to a lesbian S & M club to pick the kids up from school, and works out for 3 hours a day. The best thing you can say about Gwyneth is that she's married to Chris Martin, and he's great. I can't reconcile that somebody like him has any interest in hanging out with people like his wife or Madonna. I'm sure it won't be long before he's caught in a McDonalds somewhere with a woman wearing clothes from the Gap. Poor guy.
Don't get me wrong. I'm really a happy sunny person. But I'm no Rachel Ray. And I think that everybody is very pleased about that.
Listen love. Life is tough enough with having the likes of YOU guilt us out because we don't feed our kids exclusively on fucking organic, born free, college educated grilled salmon. I really hate celebrities sometimes. It's so easy for them. Oh wait, no its not. She's a 'WORKING MOM' too you know. It's hard for her. Why, just the other day one of the nannies asked for the day off. The horror! Poor Moses and Apple were left alone with the other three.
OK, I admit that I am beating up on Gwyneth too much, because this diatribe is really intended for all those self-righteous celebrities who like to tell us how they live their lives. Here's how I live my life; I wake up, I suck it in, I suck it up, I head to a job that sucks my will to live, I go home and sometimes to spice things up I steal from Sephora. Ok, there's lots of wonderful stuff in my life, but you don't see me starting a fucking website about it and shoving it down peoples throats. Well, apart from this one. But you know what I mean.
I used to like GP. Then she started hanging out with Madonna. And lets face it, that's the kiss of death for most people. Now she dresses like she's on her way to a lesbian S & M club to pick the kids up from school, and works out for 3 hours a day. The best thing you can say about Gwyneth is that she's married to Chris Martin, and he's great. I can't reconcile that somebody like him has any interest in hanging out with people like his wife or Madonna. I'm sure it won't be long before he's caught in a McDonalds somewhere with a woman wearing clothes from the Gap. Poor guy.
Don't get me wrong. I'm really a happy sunny person. But I'm no Rachel Ray. And I think that everybody is very pleased about that.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Remember books?
I had a thorough clean out in my apartment after christmas to make room for all the newly acquired shit that I have to accommodate. Amongst the boxes I took to my local Salvation Army was a box of books, mostly cookery, some kids and a few novels. I was told by the surly volunteer at the door that "we don't take books". "Why not?" I ventured bravely (she was very surly and I ran the risk of having my face smashed in). "Because they don't sell". I told her plainly that this was the SADDEST thing I had ever heard. Ever.
What the hell is happening here? Virgin Megastore in Times Square has closed down. Nobody buys CDs anymore. Everything is downloaded, its all a bloody MP3 now. That's sad. No more albums. No more album art. No more checking lyrics in the sleeve. Is he saying Oranges are the finest fruit? Oh, aren't you just fine without me. See! How can you check that stuff without an album sleeve? It's not the death of music, its the death of CDs.
I cannot fathom the demise of books, but I can almost feel it in my water. Amazon Kindle is making a push and when I tried to get Cider with Rosie from the New York Public Library I was told that I could download it! What? I don't want to download it. I want to feel a book in my hand, I want to smell the pages, I want to turn the pages. I want to READ A BOOK!
Reading is vital for all of us. This is not a socio-economic thing I'm talking about. It isn't just rich people who should read. It's everybody. Even people who buy second hand books at the Salvation Army. In fact, I'm pissed at the Salvation Army. Given our current economic climate, its unsurprising that book sales in this country are down a whopping 20% according the the American Association of Publishers. We need second hand books. We need the library. We need as many sources as possible so that people can KEEP READING. A country spiralling out of fiscal control is no excuse.
C.S. Lewis so rightly said "We read to know we are not alone". Will we, as a race, just implode as we become more and more isolated from one another? I feel like reading has become this nice little hobby that only certain types of people can do. When Sarah Palin was asked what she read she couldn't answer. And for a lot of people this was ok. "Hey, we're not looking for a bookworm, we just want to make sure that nobody can ever have an abortion". It's totally shocking and unacceptable to me. I dislike Sarah Palin for so many reasons, but mostly because she represents this growing faction that bemoans "intellectual left wingers" like they're the enemy. For the last eight years we've had a president who is such a dimwit he's had to make words up to fill in the blanks where an actual word might go, had he known which one was available to him. I wonder, what was the last book he read? As Christopher Hitchens pointed out, we should be very suspicious of anybody who is so utterly and openly contemptuous of the educated and the cultured, and whose only visit to the library each year is to weed out books that are deemed "against God"or that propagate "ungodly" behavior.
Obviously I'm upset that books aren't selling at my local charity shop, or anywhere else for that matter. So I want to impart that books are the most wonderful things and that many of them have changed me and my life always for the better. As my daughter starts her new book club, a new circle of book lovers is born. Keep reading. "You don't put your life into books. You find it there."*
* Alan Bennet: The Uncommon Reader
What the hell is happening here? Virgin Megastore in Times Square has closed down. Nobody buys CDs anymore. Everything is downloaded, its all a bloody MP3 now. That's sad. No more albums. No more album art. No more checking lyrics in the sleeve. Is he saying Oranges are the finest fruit? Oh, aren't you just fine without me. See! How can you check that stuff without an album sleeve? It's not the death of music, its the death of CDs.
I cannot fathom the demise of books, but I can almost feel it in my water. Amazon Kindle is making a push and when I tried to get Cider with Rosie from the New York Public Library I was told that I could download it! What? I don't want to download it. I want to feel a book in my hand, I want to smell the pages, I want to turn the pages. I want to READ A BOOK!
Reading is vital for all of us. This is not a socio-economic thing I'm talking about. It isn't just rich people who should read. It's everybody. Even people who buy second hand books at the Salvation Army. In fact, I'm pissed at the Salvation Army. Given our current economic climate, its unsurprising that book sales in this country are down a whopping 20% according the the American Association of Publishers. We need second hand books. We need the library. We need as many sources as possible so that people can KEEP READING. A country spiralling out of fiscal control is no excuse.
C.S. Lewis so rightly said "We read to know we are not alone". Will we, as a race, just implode as we become more and more isolated from one another? I feel like reading has become this nice little hobby that only certain types of people can do. When Sarah Palin was asked what she read she couldn't answer. And for a lot of people this was ok. "Hey, we're not looking for a bookworm, we just want to make sure that nobody can ever have an abortion". It's totally shocking and unacceptable to me. I dislike Sarah Palin for so many reasons, but mostly because she represents this growing faction that bemoans "intellectual left wingers" like they're the enemy. For the last eight years we've had a president who is such a dimwit he's had to make words up to fill in the blanks where an actual word might go, had he known which one was available to him. I wonder, what was the last book he read? As Christopher Hitchens pointed out, we should be very suspicious of anybody who is so utterly and openly contemptuous of the educated and the cultured, and whose only visit to the library each year is to weed out books that are deemed "against God"or that propagate "ungodly" behavior.
Obviously I'm upset that books aren't selling at my local charity shop, or anywhere else for that matter. So I want to impart that books are the most wonderful things and that many of them have changed me and my life always for the better. As my daughter starts her new book club, a new circle of book lovers is born. Keep reading. "You don't put your life into books. You find it there."*
* Alan Bennet: The Uncommon Reader
Friday, January 9, 2009
Last Published December 1???????
Now its January 9th. So its been over a month since I wrote anything on my blog. My blog has become, like the gym, just one more thing to feel excruciatingly guiltly for neglecting horribly. If this blog were my child, I wouldn't be allowed it anymore. I'd be right up there with Nixmarry Brown's mother for evilness. Poor poor blog. All it ever wanted was to be written. Nurtured. Made into a book. The simple dreams of a growing blog.
I'm doing my best. Well, ok, I'm not doing my best, I'm doing the sort of absolute minimum I can get away with. And that's just not good enough for my Capricorn high achieving temperament. So here and now I promise to write much much more. When I can. When time permits. Whenever possible.
I have a fan base. It is two people. Three if you include my husband. I could push it to four but my mother doesn't have much time either these days. My goal is to have a readership of ten by April. Is this possible? I'll report back to you dear reader (s) and let you know.
I'm doing my best. Well, ok, I'm not doing my best, I'm doing the sort of absolute minimum I can get away with. And that's just not good enough for my Capricorn high achieving temperament. So here and now I promise to write much much more. When I can. When time permits. Whenever possible.
I have a fan base. It is two people. Three if you include my husband. I could push it to four but my mother doesn't have much time either these days. My goal is to have a readership of ten by April. Is this possible? I'll report back to you dear reader (s) and let you know.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Please Mind The Jumper
Suicide is selfish. Isn't that what they say? You take your own life without the slightest regard for the aftermath of regret, resentment, guilt and sadness that your actions have inflicted on those left behind. I've attempted suicide. Well, ok, that's a bit strong. I went out one night and managed to inhale an entire bottle of Frangelica. It felt a lot like a suicide attempt. It is the very thought of the messy aftermath that would always stop me in my tracks.
Nowadays though, I am stopped in my tracks. Literally. By selfish suiciders who can't take it anymore, and jump in front of a subway train. During rush hour. Hello? I don't want to come off as cold here but really? 8.30am? That's the hour that you deemed just right for your moment of judgement? So not after 10am then, when I'm already in the office and you could just quietly do your deed and thousands of commuters need not be affected?
I know what you are thinking. What a cold hearted bitch. And yes, you are right. I am. But I haven't always been. I became this way from riding the New York City subway. Because if riding the New York City Subway teaches you only one thing it is this - it is every man for himself. There is no room for manners, no room for "oh please, after you" on the MTA. It is do or die. Survival of the fittest. Get your elbows out and your friggin' backpack off your back. Breathe in and get to know the 400 pound guy from Co-op City, he's gonna be your BFF for the next two stops.
It's of course unbearably sad to think that somebody is so depressed, and feels like they have no choice at all but to throw themselves in front of a moving train. Plainly that is just awful. But look, we all feel suicidal on the subway at 8.30, especially when somebody jumps and fucks up your commute. Just wait until after the rush hour. Who knows? You may feel a whole lot better then too.
Nowadays though, I am stopped in my tracks. Literally. By selfish suiciders who can't take it anymore, and jump in front of a subway train. During rush hour. Hello? I don't want to come off as cold here but really? 8.30am? That's the hour that you deemed just right for your moment of judgement? So not after 10am then, when I'm already in the office and you could just quietly do your deed and thousands of commuters need not be affected?
I know what you are thinking. What a cold hearted bitch. And yes, you are right. I am. But I haven't always been. I became this way from riding the New York City subway. Because if riding the New York City Subway teaches you only one thing it is this - it is every man for himself. There is no room for manners, no room for "oh please, after you" on the MTA. It is do or die. Survival of the fittest. Get your elbows out and your friggin' backpack off your back. Breathe in and get to know the 400 pound guy from Co-op City, he's gonna be your BFF for the next two stops.
It's of course unbearably sad to think that somebody is so depressed, and feels like they have no choice at all but to throw themselves in front of a moving train. Plainly that is just awful. But look, we all feel suicidal on the subway at 8.30, especially when somebody jumps and fucks up your commute. Just wait until after the rush hour. Who knows? You may feel a whole lot better then too.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Thought for the Day
If you are so concerned with hygience and need a very thin piece of paper between your ass and the toilet seat when you go to the bathroom, then why don't you dispose of it afterwards? I can't fathom the mentality of somebody who has this "Cleanliness is next to Godliness" thing going on and can't even fucking piss without making sure that a sterile toilet seat cover is safely wedged between her and the bog.
But then you lose yourself don't you? Then you become all "crack ho mom of six - who gives a shit?" and leave it there for somebody else to find. Newsflash: you love your ass so much you wouldn't dare to put it on a strange toilet seat. But I don't ok, so I don't need the remnants of whatever you did in the stall before me, still in there when I go in.
Explain that to me. I don't get it. But before you explain it to me, just pick that shit up and flush it or dispose of it or whatever the hell you want with it, but stop leaving it on the toilet seat for people like me to find.
Your self appointed Royal Ass, is a total pain in MY ass.
But then you lose yourself don't you? Then you become all "crack ho mom of six - who gives a shit?" and leave it there for somebody else to find. Newsflash: you love your ass so much you wouldn't dare to put it on a strange toilet seat. But I don't ok, so I don't need the remnants of whatever you did in the stall before me, still in there when I go in.
Explain that to me. I don't get it. But before you explain it to me, just pick that shit up and flush it or dispose of it or whatever the hell you want with it, but stop leaving it on the toilet seat for people like me to find.
Your self appointed Royal Ass, is a total pain in MY ass.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
